One In Four.... My Miscarriage Story...

One in four women have experienced a miscarriage.

One in 160 women have experienced a still birth.

Twenty percent of known pregnancies, are a blighted ovum.

There are so many different reasons, that so many couples, have angel babies. It's something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. The emotional roller coaster, that couples go on, can last weeks, months, or even years. People never talk about the process of healing, let alone the loss, and it shouldn't be so taboo. It's sad, yes, but sometimes all  grieving mother, or father needs is someone to say "I understand what your going through, and it gets better."

I have an almost eight month old daughter. When she was six months old, we found out that I was pregnant again. After the initial panic of having two under two, we got excited, even though we knew we shouldn't get too excited yet. A couple days after finding out, Andrew left on a DET, He would be gone for two months. I knew he was going to miss the first couple appointments, but we were excited nonetheless. 

My first appointment went well, nothing was out of the ordinary, but my HCG levels were really high, and they asked if multiples ran in our families. They do. So Andrew and I began mentally preparing for the possibility of multiples. What we never prepared for was what I learned at my next appointment. 

At seven weeks and three days, our little love lost its heartbeat. From the time they told me there was no heartbeat, to the time I was walking out the door, was about ten minutes. My three options were written on a bright blue sticky note, and I was left to call my husband and tell him over the phone. Telling Andrew over the phone, that our baby didn't have a heartbeat, is easily the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I could barely make out the words, and he could barely understand me through my sobbing. He wasn't able to come home. He was forced to stay across the country from his wife and daughter, and grieve in a room with five other Marines, that didn't know what was happening to our family. 

I cried myself to sleep for over a week. I forced myself too seem okay on the outside, but I was completely and utterly broken on the inside. I took my daughter for walks, played with her on the floor, cuddled with her, and pretended that nothing was wrong. Until she had gone to sleep I was putting on an act of normality, but the second I knew she was sleeping, I would lose it. I would cry for hours, most of the time I'd cry myself to sleep, and in the morning I would wake up with tear marks down my cheeks. 

I had to make a decision about how I wanted to proceed. My body didn't know that my baby was no longer alive, so I would have to either wait it out and hope a miscarriage naturally occurs, or take medication to medically induce a miscarriage. Having a D&C was not something I was open to without Andrew home. I knew I couldn't handle the idea of waiting for my body to naturally miscarry, so I opted for the medication. Now I do not recommend taking the medication, unless you have someone there with you. I chose to wait until about 4pm., to take it, because I knew Skye would be asleep around the time it started to work. 

This is the second hardest thing I have ever had to do. It felt like I was in labor again, but I knew this time I wouldn't be holding a healthy and happy baby at the end. I was between laying on the couch, and in the bathroom for five hours. On the sixth hour, I decided to go lay in bed and snuggle with Skye since the bleeding and cramping had slowed down considerably. 

Having a miscarriage at home is not something anyone should have to go through alone. Truth be told I didn't have to, but I didn't want anyone to know, because it's not something you talk about. 

Why? Why cant we talk about the horrible reality of how common miscarriages are? 

I never realized how many women go through the loss of a child, until I went through it myself. Don't forget about the men, who go through it as well. Don't forget, that while you are grieving, your spouse is grieving too. You need each other. The couple that you know, going through this loss will need you too. Whether it's something as simple as cooking a meal, watching their children so they can have alone time, or mowing their lawn. When people Bring a baby home from the hospital, people start meal trains, they offer help with other children, they offer to watch baby so you can shower. When you come home from the hospital without a baby, people tend to shy away because it's hard. It's understandable, no one wants to see people going through something rough, or to see people cry. 

We need to break the silence about child loss. It's more common than anyone knows. October may be Child Loss Awareness Month, but that doesn't mean that you should only discuss it during October. Child loss happens every single day.